A Word from alexandra wallis

There is no manual for motherhood, but as mothers we can find solidarity with each other.

Hi mums! I’m Alex and I started this organisation in 2016.   It’s gone from the humble beginnings of a weekly get-together at my home in Durban,  to a non-profit organisation providing various types of support for mothers across the province of KwaZulu-Natal, as well as mental health education within our communities.  This amount of growth in such a short space of time I put down to two factors: firstly the phenomenal mothers within this group who are so willing to help one another; secondly the massive need for groups like this.

Becoming a mother is overwhelming. Every woman who makes the transition into motherhood will experience mixed emotions about the changes in her life. About one in 4 or 5 women will develop a perinatal mood disorder or perinatal distress.  This relatively common complication of having a baby is not spoken about enough, and Mums Support Network aims to break the stigma and shame surrounding this illness, by getting mothers who are affected to reach out and talk about it!

Mums Support Network aims to provide emotional support to all mothers who are battling with the challenges of motherhood. It creates a safe space where mothers can connect in a relaxed setting and chat openly, without judgement, about their feelings.

As women we have a biological need to make connections with others, and we feel better when people listen to our stories with empathy and understanding. It can be hard to make those connections. “It takes a village to raise a child” so the saying goes. Most of us have lost our village. New mothers used to be nurtured by family and friends. They would receive valuable advice and support from other mothers and the village elders. Now we parent behind closed doors and we seek  advice from apps and websites… We are cut off from true face to face connections.  I hope that Mums Support Network can bring back some of that “village” and help mums to make those meaningful connections, share their stories and find the reassurances they need.

So why did I set up Mums Support Network?  I love being a mum.  I have two incredible children whom I love so much I think my chest could explode!  However, my motherhood journey did not start out as a happy one, and this continuing journey of parenthood can have many highs and lows along the way…

I suffered from perinatal distress (previously known as postnatal depression) after both of my children were born. The first time round I was so ashamed of my feelings that I tried to keep them hidden. Everyone else seemed to cope when they had a baby. Why was I not coping? Why was I not loving every minute like everyone told me I should? I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was failing at being a mother. Would he be better of without me…?

I felt so desperately alone; I had no one with whom to share these feelings, and those people whom I did try to tell brushed it off as ‘normal’.  I ended up being hospitalised for 10 days, and months of slow recovery followed. It was the worst time of my life.

After my second child was born, I managed to spot the signs of PND earlier and fortunately I was able to start treatment before it became as severe as the first time.

If I had access to a ‘Mums Support Network’ back then it would have helped me immensely. A caring and understanding support system was one of the things I needed, and this is what we try to provide for mothers today.

Together with my team, Lauren Shapiro and Hayls Lieberthal, we will endeavour to grow this network and try to reach many more mothers in need!

“When a baby is born, so is a mother. Each unsteady in their own way”

– Alexandra Sacks, psychiatrist